First interview

Ladies and gentlemen; the research is ON! Yours truly did her first interview today.

I was surprisingly nervous before starting and couldn’t concentrate on anything else the whole day (and that is how my Thursday got stolen too). I was drowning in my notes and all kinds of papers and Post-it stickers, and praying the conference phone wouldn’t fail on me as I naturally didn’t take a single look at the instruction booklet. I was desperate to keep everything I had to say and ask in my mind, scared that once I’d open my mouth it would all escape my head and I’d black out helplessly. ‘Umm… Soooo. Tattoos, eh?’ was my plan B.

I think I was a bit awkward even during the interview, but then again – I always am. There were moments when I just couldn’t put my thoughts into words and ended up asking something incredibly stupid or obvious and then just silently banged my head into an invisible wall (thank god it wasn’t a skype conference…) and I felt a bit clumsy overall, but managed to get some pretty thorough answers and time just flew by. All in all, it was pretty amazing, and I got this awesome rush of excitement as we got talking. I realized I’m actually doing this. I’m actually researching this! This is really happening! I’m not dreaming, this is real!

My first interviewee was a male psychologist in his 40’s with full sleeves on both his arms, and the first thought I had of him was ‘I don’t know who you are and what you do but I wanna be just like you when I grow up, you’re my hero’. Didn’t really change my mind as we talked. He had some incredible thoughts about his tattoos, his profession and his clients, and his attitude towards his work was just so admirable that I think I learned more from him than I’ve learned sitting on most lectures. I feel like I could write an entire master’s thesis based on that interview alone; it was so fruitful, thoughtful and complex. He said some things that really hit me, and to my amazement I noticed he had a great deal in common with me; he talked about thoughts and worries and experiences that have been haunting me for quite some time and driving me to research a phenomenon like this. There were moments when I was doing a small, silent victory dance knowing the diamond he just dropped out of his mouth was recorded on tape and going to be a part of MY master’s thesis (so THANK GOD it wasn’t a skype conference…). And a few times, when he was really pondering about tattoos and psychology and how the two come together, he said things that almost brought tears to my eyes.

And when I say ‘almost’, I mean ‘definitely’ (I just don’t want to admit what a wimp I am). This really showed me what kinds of emotions I’ll be dealing with when researching a subject this close and personal to me. Instead of blurring my judgement, I hope that this intimacy becomes a strength that’ll motivate me and give me a unique touch in my work and writing.

Before I end this enthusiastic rant, let me just say; this experience didn’t come a second too late. I’ve been pretty stressed out and hopeless during these few weeks as I’ve been trying to get this project started, and I’ve been questioning this whole research, my studies and myself. This was just what I needed to remember why I started this project in the first place – a desperately needed kick just when I needed one.

And now, let me just lull myself into this soothing feeling of personal, professional and academic success, and forget that this was only the first out of six interviews, and merely the first spoonful of this massive, megalomaniac soup I’ve prepared for myself…